I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
