ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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