Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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