the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
