absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you have to choose: penises or morals?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
