brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
