She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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