My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
