census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
