I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
