is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
