you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
