He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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