my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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