Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
