Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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