So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
