six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
