I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
