barbara walters just said penis...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize