I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
