you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
