Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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