I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
