your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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