thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
