you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
