You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
