This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do vagina's smell?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
