I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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