First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
