we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
