So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
