Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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