I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
