eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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