just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
