he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
