I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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