So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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