For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
