dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
