It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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