I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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