I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
