Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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