Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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