worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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