I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
