How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
