He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
