I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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