at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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