She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
