I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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