Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
