There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
