I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
