You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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