i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
