I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
