Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Randomize
