No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
