I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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