just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
