I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
