and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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