i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
