just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
