Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
