She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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