I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Houston, we have a blender
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
