I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
