Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
