Redeem this text for a blowjob
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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