party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
