you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
